


First Kiss... Revised

by CNWinters



Category: Guiding Light, Otalia - Fandom
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Romance, Sexual Content, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-18
Updated: 2012-11-18
Packaged: 2017-11-19 00:08:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/566839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CNWinters/pseuds/CNWinters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This one is told the day Natalia confessed to sleeping with Frank, even though she didn't love him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Kiss... Revised

**First Kiss... Revised**

Why does it take my pain to end up in your arms? Why can’t I have this on movie nights, or any night for that matter? This feels so right. It feels like home, but now I’ve gone and wrecked it all. I’ve made a mess of everything, for everyone. And the one source I've always turned to, God, well, He’ll turn his back on me for perpetuating this lie with Frank.

Natalia takes as deep a breath as she can muster and says, "I’m scared God hates me for what I’ve done."

Olivia continues to stroke Natalia’s hair as the woman sobs at her breast. Her response to the statement has no hesitation and contains boatloads of conviction.

"No one could ever hate you," she tells her with great certainty.

 _I wish that were true, but I know that it’s not._ "Frank could… the way I led him on." _When what I wanted all along was you_. Natalia pulls back and looks at Olivia, trying to read her reaction to that fact; wondering if she’ll even question if that sentence has a deeper meaning. "It was so wrong. I don't know why I couldn't just turn and walk away." _Actually, I do. I wanted to convince myself I’m not falling for you and make this…attraction… go away. But in the end, I've hurt him. I've hurt myself. And now, because of this, I might never have you. How could you possibly want me if I slept with Frank?_

"Stop. Stop being so hard on yourself."

"And you, you shouldn't sit so close to me. Because God is going to strike me with lightning and you’re gonna wanna be nice and far away."

Natalia watches Olivia rise and walk toward the fireplace. It's only a few steps away, but it seems so far to the raven-haired woman. Natalia moves to the edge of the sofa, almost as if she’s going to reach out and pull Olivia back to her.

Please come back. I want to rest my head on your bosom again, feel your fingers dance across my hair and my neck. I want to keep inhaling that intoxicating scent of your perfume and the natural scent of your body. I want…all of you. But you're keeping your distance… and I can't blame you.

"You-you honestly think God is angry with you because you slept with Frank?" Olivia asks.

"No, because I'm being a hypocrite…doing one thing; saying another. It’d…" _It’d be different if I loved him… loved him the way I love you. But I don't. And I used him to fill this void I want you to fill._

"Well, you know what? If that's a sin, then I’m in a lot of trouble. So…" Olivia clears her throat, "…Hell, party of two; here we come."

See that? Even in my despair you have a way of making me smile just a little. I wish I could be like you. I wish I could just say what's on my mind and be done with it.

"You…" _God, I love you_. "…you’re the most honest person I know."

"Not so much lately…"

_What does that mean?_

"I haven't been truthful with you...with myself… maybe if I had, you wouldn't have spent the night with Frank."

Why does she look like that? Could she…? Does she…? I think she does. I think she might actually feel the same way, but stay calm. Don’t show too much. What if I’m wrong?

"What do you mean?"

Why is she so nervous and so scared? Oh, no. She’s noticed how I feel and she-she doesn’t feel this way too. I’m an idiot.

Olivia clears her throat slightly. "I don’t know how to say this. I'm just going to have to tell you the truth."

 _Or am I a genius?_ "Olivia, what is it?" Natalia demands, the suspense tightening like a noose.

Rather than answer the question, Olivia returns to the sofa and takes Natalia’s hands in hers. She’s shaking and her breathing is coming in short little gasps.

 _Oh, God._ "Is it your heart?" Natalia asks.

Olivia smiles nervously. "Yes, but not in a way you might think. I’m, uh, I’m just gonna come out and say it." She swallows, takes a deep breath and then says, "I love you."

 _Did she just –?_ … _As friend…as more…_ "What do you mean?" Natalia asked sounding more hopeful.

"I’m…in love with you. I…I know it’s a sin in your book. I do. A-And I know if you feel this guilty for being with Frank, then the chance of you ever loving me the way I love you is…" Olivia releases a ragged breath out slowly. "This is pretty pointless, huh? I’m sorry I brought it up."

She puts on a sad smile that Natalia recognizes.

_It’s one you wear when your walls go up…Oh, Olivia. Please don’t do this._

Olivia’s hands slip from Natalia’s, and she runs her fingers through her hair self-consciously.

"You know, I’m gonna," she motions toward the kitchen, "uh, I’m gonna make us some lunch and forget this conversation ever happened." She gives a firm nod and says, "Okay then."

She loves me? She loves me too! Oh, no, she’s leaving!

Before Natalia realizes it, she’s on her feet. Olivia is almost to the doorway, between the kitchen and the living room, when Natalia spins her body around with more force than she intended. Olivia looks hurt, embarrassed… distraught. Her expression reaches into Natalia’s very core and before she can let her mind talk her heart out of what’s right, she cups each of Olivia’s cheeks and pulls her face to hers and kisses her. There’s nothing tentative about the kiss at all.

It speaks to a long held passion, one that‘s been growing greater and greater with every light touch, every kind word or every unselfish gesture between the two of them. It’s one that revels in how protected Olivia makes her feel while also giving her the courage to take new chances because she believes in her more than she believed in herself.

It’s strong.

It’s certain.

And it’s one they’d longed for – not just with each other, but one they’d wanted their whole lives.

Almost immediately, Olivia pulls back and looks at Natalia with a sense of confusion mixed with wonderment.

"Natalia?" she questions her optimistically.

No other words are needed, and rather than explain this kiss, Natalia’s only reply is to pull her back, recapturing her lips. This time the urgency is gone, however, she still kisses Olivia with gentle abandon, nipping and sucking tenderly at the pulpy flesh of Olivia’s lips. Now though, the older woman is prepared for the attack and she welcomes the invasion, providing no resistance.

Natalia’s tongue snakes out shyly, as if not sure how this more intimate gesture will be received for the first time. She delicately tastes the lip that was pouting only moments ago, testing the intensity of Olivia’s desire. When Olivia takes the silent invitation and deepens the kiss by sucking on Natalia’s tongue, pulling it gently into her own mouth, Natalia feels her head spin and an ache grow within her pelvis. Never being kissed so intimately; possessively, Natalia can’t contain her baritone, desire filled moan. She begins to stumble slightly, breaking their lip lock unintentionally.

"Sorry," she apologizes sheepishly.

"You okay?" Olivia asks as her hands tighten their hold on Natalia’s hips to keep her upright.

"I’m anything but okay," she says as she smiles and buries her head into her neck. "I’m completely in love with you."

Olivia smiles, unseen by Natalia, as she smoothes her hands over Natalia’s arm and back.

"You’re trembling," the older woman points out.

"Yeah, but trust me, I’m not scared…"

"You sure?"

Natalia nods gently. "I’ve just…I’ve never felt this…"

Olivia can hear the blush in Natalia’s voice and asks, "What?"

Natalia clears her throat and whispers a single word.

"Enflamed..."

Natalia then finds the exposed skin of Olivia’s neck too delectable to resist and her lips start to nibble at her pulse point.

"Do you feel it too?" the younger woman continues as she continues to nip at Olivia’s bare flesh, feeling the ache at her center intensify. Olivia’s resulting moans are so guttural and primal that Natalia’s hands snake down to pull her closer by her buttocks.

"Oh, God, yes," Olivia finally answers. She sighs ardently as her fingers snake their way into Natalia’s hair.

_God, her groan is so erotic. I wonder what sounds she’d make if I…_

Before Natalia can second-guess her emerging idea, she pulls Olivia down for a new round of kisses, savoring the taste and the velvet softness of Olivia’s lips. As she does this, one hand works its way down from Olivia’s neck and over her breast, only to return back up and cup her gently. Olivia releases a muffled moan and a ragged breath, her lips still enveloping Natalia’s. With daring she didn’t know she possessed, the younger woman’s thumb begins to caress Olivia’s cotton clad nipple, which now resembles a rock hard pebble. Olivia gasps and stops her in mid-touch by grabbing her wrist.

"I’m sorry," Natalia says breathless. "I couldn’t help myself."

"I’m not complaining," Olivia replies with a smile, while trying to steady her breathing, "But if you keep this up…we’re gonna end up naked on that sofa over there. I guarantee it."

"And that would be bad because…?" Natalia let the question hang with an uncharacteristic look on her face, one that Olivia hasn’t seen before… one of desire.

Olivia appears as if she is considering the prospect of Natalia naked and spread eagle on their sofa. She pulls Natalia toward the couch and pushes her down gently with a soft thump. With a look of longing and adoration, she straddles her hips. Natalia’s dimples shined as she looks up and watches Olivia continue to stroke her hair.

"I want you," Olivia says softly as her fingers work their way through the black strains. "For so long, I’ve wanted you."

"I want you too." Natalia whispers. Her eyes close as she soaks up Olivia’s affection.

"But I can’t have you." That response makes Natalia open her eyes and look up at Olivia with concern. "Not yet," Olivia amends. "I promised myself if I ever fell in love again, I’d do everything different."

"I’d say you’re succeeding," Natalia says with a grin.

"Not if I do this with you now," Olivia replies, her own smile slipping away slightly. "Frank still thinks he has a girlfriend. And the truth is, he does."

"I told you, I’ve always wanted you. It was a mistake. I don’t want him."

"He doesn’t know that," Olivia replies. "And I’ve…been less than faithful in the past…I’m not going to start our relationship with an infidelity."

Natalia suddenly looks mortified. "I’m an awful person, aren’t I?"

"No," Olivia tells her as she began to caress her hair over her ears and down her shoulders. "No. You were running from what you felt – I know because I did it too. I pushed you to Frank because I was scared and…part of me still is; I won’t lie…We have soooo much to work out, but first thing’s first. I want a clean slate with you, one that doesn’t include Frank, okay?"

Natalia nods firmly. "Done," she said with great certainty.

Suddenly, there’s a knock at the door, pulling them out of the moment.

"Oh, I hope it’s not Frank," Natalia says. "I know I have to face him, but not now."

"Maybe they’ll go away," Olivia replies as she continues to stroke Natalia’s hair.

Natalia rises up for another round of kisses while trying to pull Olivia down closer to her. When the knock comes again, before their lips can touch, they both giggle.

"Maybe God is telling us to take things a little slower?" Olivia offers.

"Maybe, you’re right." Natalia agrees reluctantly. "But just realize that, for me, this is…beyond wonderful…and your lips a-and your skin… they’re so soft and…" Natalia begins to reach up again to caress Olivia, however, she stops just shy of her bosom that’s only inches away, tempting her. "But, you’re right. I don’t want to move too fast and destroy everything we could have. So…slow and steady wins the race, right?"

"Exactly," Olivia agrees and nods.

Before they can say more, the knock happens again and Olivia growls. Natalia chuckles and pulls her closer so their foreheads are touching.

"Patience, Dear," Natalia playfully scolds her.

"Patience? What’s that?" Olivia jokes as she pulls back slightly.

Natalia grins wickedly, almost seductively. She can hear Olivia’s breath hitch and she likes this newfound power over the older woman.

"An attribute I’ll reward in spades someday…well, if you let me," Natalia replies.

Olivia holds up a finger. "Patience it is then."

Natalia laughs. "If I’d known you’d be this agreeable after a few kisses I would’ve kissed you months ago."

Olivia tries not to smile. Instead, she pulls Natalia to her feet and wraps her arm around her waist until their bodies naughtily collide.

"You better watch it, Rivera. Turnabout is fair play, after all."

The syrupy smoothness of her voice, the silken quality of it, is intense. It feels like an embrace that’s very hard to resist. Natalia finds her lips capturing Olivia’s once more, knocking door be damned.

Oh yeah, Olivia. This is gonna be fun alright.

**The End**


End file.
